I’m just another puzzle to you

4/30/2014

Someone used to tell me, “You’ve never really lived, until you loved someone who cannot love you back”
If I had told you that, you’d probably laugh at me
You’d say “Well, that can’t be true. Doing that will make a person want to kill himself.”
And I will think it’s funny that you chose to analyze the situation instead of thinking that I was suggesting that we were like that
And you will probably never see that I have fallen in love with you
Because to you, I’m just another puzzle to make sense of

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I will make it

7/29/2014

All this time, I’ve been trying to ignore the pain
I keep hoping it will go away
I keep looking for a way out
Yet I am still here
Clutching my chest because the pain is too much to bear
Clawing my way out of this nightmare
Willing myself to be brave and to be fearless
I’m fighting for what little chance I have left
Fighting back the tears
Fending off my demons
I will make it
I will make it.

I spent all my love on you

7/28/2014

How can I live when I am constantly reminded of you
How can I rest my bones when so much pain lives in me
How can I repress my feelings when you make me feel so much
How can I breathe when you squeezed out all the air from my lungs
How can I love someone else when I spent all my love on you

You took my heart with you

4/27/2014

Your scent lingers on my skin
Your perfume remains on my pillow
Your laughter rings between these walls
Your smile permanently embedded in my head
You left me and left all these things behind, but took my heart with you

You are much more than what you think you are

4/27/2014

Don’t you dare tell me that you are ‘just you’
Don’t you dare belittle yourself
Don’t you dare say that you are just bones held together by my hands
Don’t you dare think you’re only worth as much as a stale bread in the middle of the street
Don’t you dare believe that you are anything less than perfect
Because nobody can ever compare to you

All I ever wanted was you

4/26/2014

All I ever wanted was you
And everything that is you
I fell in love with all of you
Your best and your worst

All you ever wanted was your idea of me
And everything that is not me
You fell in love with who you thought I was
Your ideal woman

I don’t regret ever being with you
But I can only take so much
And yes, I still love you
But I also want to be loved

You gave me warmth

4/25/2014

You gave me warmth
More than what the sun can give
You melted the ice in my bones
More than what fire can do
You kept me from freezing
More than what any sweater does
You left me
And now I’m freezing over
I can’t find enough warmth
Now that you’re gone

You left me with bitterness

You left a bitter taste in my mouth
I brushed my teeth four times and once more, but the bitterness stayed there
I gargled vodka three times and once more, but it only made the bitterness worse
I drowned myself in red wine two times and once more, but the bitterness overpowered it
I kissed strangers one time and once more, but they couldn’t make it go away
I met someone who truly loved me one day, and he replaced the bitterness with the sweetest taste I’ve ever known

I am four years too late

4/16/2014

We had always been something that could’ve been
But we never tried to be anything other than people who aren’t strangers but aren’t friends as well
Yesterday I found out you wanted to be with me as much as I did
And how many times you wanted to tell me everything and how you thought I just didn’t like you at all
And you found out how many times I wished I was the one who made you laugh
And how many times I came this close to telling you everything
And we found out how we sort of just avoided each other and how much time we have wasted
Today I stand here, watching as you marry somebody else because we found out too late what could’ve been all along
Today I was going to tell you I love you, but I am four years too late

I can feel it in my bones

4/20/2014

I never knew you could miss someone so much you could feel it in your bones
A deep feeling of pain that seeps into your skin
A deep longing that leaves you breathless like all the air in your lungs have been squeezed out
A hollow feeling that seems to drain the blood from your veins
I never knew, until now