10/10/2014 I wouldn’t know how

Maybe it’s better this way
You’re distant and unknown to me
Because I wouldn’t know
How to love you anyway

I don’t know what I’m afraid of
Is it love?
Or is it the thought of losing someone again?
Maybe even both

Maybe it’s better this way
You don’t really know much about me
Because I wouldn’t know
How to express myself to you anyway

I don’t know if I’ll ever get past
The point of being afraid
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be
Maybe it’s for the best

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10/9/2014 I ended up unhappy

In this world
Full of mundane and extraordinary things
There are so much to see
But so little time

I keep wasting my time
Thinking and planning about what I should do
Instead of just doing it
Instead of actually living

Somewhere in a sea of confusion
And things I have to do
I forgot to be alive
And ended up unhappy

And I know, I know
You tried so hard
To make me feel alive
To remind me to live

And there were so many voices
Telling me where to go
And I forgot to listen to yours
I ended up shutting you out

And I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to
I wanted so much to show you
That I love you too
And I couldn’t, I couldn’t

10/4/2014 Façade

In this limited life
Spent on the pursuit of happiness
And the discovery of oneself
Maybe we have wasted too much time

Maybe we let the promise of happiness blind us
And settled for temporary pleasures
Maybe we let the fear of dying get to us
And mistook comfort for bliss

Maybe we should’ve been living
Not for the sake of just being alive
Not for the sake of collecting memories and moments
But for the sake of feeling alive and happy and content

Maybe we shouldn’t have ignored
The throbbing feeling in our chests
Maybe we shouldn’t have avoided
The gut-wrenching decisions we had to make

Because in our evanescent lives
We ignored the real things
And chased after fake butterflies
Even when we knew they were fake all along

And we tried so hard
To mask our pain and melancholy
With a stiff smile and a happy façade
And we shouldn’t have

We thought we were living
By avoiding the horrible parts of life
And putting up a beautiful façade
Of a life we didn’t allow ourselves to have

10/3/2014 We shouldn’t have waited

If I am to die today
The thing I’d regret the most
Is not taking a chance on you
And letting you go just like that

There were so many times
We could’ve been
We could’ve had
The love we’ve been waiting for

Instead, I sat there quietly
Waiting for you to make a sound
You, waiting for me
To give even a little smile

We could’ve had so much time
To paint the skies a better shade of blue
We could’ve been happy together
Even to just sit beside each other quietly

Instead, we chose to look for signs
And kept waiting for the right moment
And we realized far too late
We could’ve made it

I will carry the thought of what we could’ve been
All the way to my dying moment
I will always think about what should’ve been
As I look at you, walking away from me, walking away from you