5/13/2016 I tried to come home, but I’ve already lost it

I guess
I was
too comfortable
with you

I forgot
you were never
really a part
of me,
just another
temporary happiness

I guess
I thought
I’ll always have you,
I’ll always be at home
with you

I forgot
you were never
my home,
just another
temporary escape

I guess
I let
myself believe
in your comforting words
when you told me
I was home.


10/5/2015 Lies we tell ourselves

Sometimes we tell ourselves lies
An attempt to reassure ourselves
On those days when nobody else can

And some days we lie to ourselves
Just so we can live
On those days we just can’t otherwise

And after some time we forget
What was real and what was make-believe
And we end up believing
These lies we tell ourselves

Dreamer 3/11/2015

What is it you want most in the world? Are you pursuing it? Are you still planning to? Or are you already just a few steps away from the realization of your dreams?

The future is still so vague. It is simultaneously close and out-of-reach, scary and exciting. At whatever point you may be in life, you can never truly say that the future is just close or just scary. It is simultaneously everything and nothing.

How close are you to your dream? Do we ever say “this is it” when it comes to our dream? Does our dream come with a start and end point? The truth is, no matter how much time we spend pursuing our dream, we can never truly say that we have achieved it, until it is too late for us to appreciate it in all its simple glory. We do not see an end point in our dream.

So, does that mean that we have to live the rest of our lives unhappy? Uncontented? No.

We must always remember to find happiness even in the midst of pursuing our dreams. We must not only yearn for the happiness we will achieve once we accomplish everything we want to accomplish.

Dreamer, you will not be happier when you get somewhere else. Do not stop pursuing whatever it is you want the most, but remember that as long as you try to look for happiness somewhere else, you will never be happy with wherever you are.

Dreamer, what I’m trying to tell you is that: allow yourself to fly if you want to go higher, even if you have to make your own wings to do so, but, remember to treasure the moments in-between your attempts to fly so that if you find yourself unable to fly, you will not be unhappy nor will you feel that your life spent pursuing it was a failure.

Go After That Dream 3/22/2015

The world will shatter your dreams
Step on your hopes
Spit on your hard work
And laugh at your failed attempts

The world will not slow down for you
It will not go easy on you
It will not be patient with you
It will swallow you whole

But don’t be disheartened
Don’t ever stop trying
Don’t let failures faze you
Pick up each broken hope and mend them

For no one ever succeeded without first failing
So, regardless of how many times you fail
Stand up, mend your wounds,
And go after that dream


I submitted this piece to a student publication I’m writing for and it was published a few months ago. This is, however, the unedited version.

My (non-existent) love life according to Murakami and Lang Leav

Hi! It’s been so long. How have you been? Are you still writing?

I’ve been very busy lately, and now I’m close to graduating from college! (Only two more semesters, several more thesis revisions, twenty or so more major exams, and less than a hundred papers to write before I graduate!)

So what am I doing here, then, if I am busy, you say? Well, I just came here to procrastinate a little. Just a little. I’m writing this feature story right now and I’m about to die of demotivation. So, with that said, I’m sorry to inconvenience you with my caffeine-fueled procrastination.

Anyway, I was browsing through facebook when I came by a post saying: Pick up the nearest book to you, turn to page 45. The first sentence explains your love life. Seeing as I’m desperately procrastinating at the moment, I just decided to do it. Just because it’s cold and my coffee is getting cold and my article is nowhere near finished and I don’t feel like writing at the moment.

So, here is my non-existent love life according to Haruki Murakami and Lang Leav:

That summer, after he returned to Tokyo from Nagoya, Tsukuru was transfixed by the odd sensation that, physically, he was being completely transformed.

– Colorless Tsukuru Tazaki and His Years of Pilgrimage, Haruki Murakami

Well, Murakami, isn’t that completely spot-on? Doesn’t everyone feel that odd sensation when it comes to love? 🙂

I saw it once, I have no doubt; but now can’t place its whereabouts.

– Déjà Vu | Lullabies, Lang Leav

This is relevant, even to me, who is sans love life. ☺

Do you want to do a little procrastinating, too? 🙂

1/11/2015 You

You promised to give me the stars
On a night we spent admiring them
As they winked at us from above
Like how my heart flutters when I am with you

You promised to give me the sun
On a fine afternoon we spent watching it
As it sets with a spectrum of colors in the sky
Like an artist’s color pallette that wouldn’t even compare to the color you brought into my pallid existence

You promised to give me so much
Yet you failed to realize
That in the midst of all the promises
You forgot to give me the only thing I needed: you

10/10/2014 I wouldn’t know how

Maybe it’s better this way
You’re distant and unknown to me
Because I wouldn’t know
How to love you anyway

I don’t know what I’m afraid of
Is it love?
Or is it the thought of losing someone again?
Maybe even both

Maybe it’s better this way
You don’t really know much about me
Because I wouldn’t know
How to express myself to you anyway

I don’t know if I’ll ever get past
The point of being afraid
Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be
Maybe it’s for the best

10/9/2014 I ended up unhappy

In this world
Full of mundane and extraordinary things
There are so much to see
But so little time

I keep wasting my time
Thinking and planning about what I should do
Instead of just doing it
Instead of actually living

Somewhere in a sea of confusion
And things I have to do
I forgot to be alive
And ended up unhappy

And I know, I know
You tried so hard
To make me feel alive
To remind me to live

And there were so many voices
Telling me where to go
And I forgot to listen to yours
I ended up shutting you out

And I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to
I wanted so much to show you
That I love you too
And I couldn’t, I couldn’t

10/4/2014 Façade

In this limited life
Spent on the pursuit of happiness
And the discovery of oneself
Maybe we have wasted too much time

Maybe we let the promise of happiness blind us
And settled for temporary pleasures
Maybe we let the fear of dying get to us
And mistook comfort for bliss

Maybe we should’ve been living
Not for the sake of just being alive
Not for the sake of collecting memories and moments
But for the sake of feeling alive and happy and content

Maybe we shouldn’t have ignored
The throbbing feeling in our chests
Maybe we shouldn’t have avoided
The gut-wrenching decisions we had to make

Because in our evanescent lives
We ignored the real things
And chased after fake butterflies
Even when we knew they were fake all along

And we tried so hard
To mask our pain and melancholy
With a stiff smile and a happy façade
And we shouldn’t have

We thought we were living
By avoiding the horrible parts of life
And putting up a beautiful façade
Of a life we didn’t allow ourselves to have

10/3/2014 We shouldn’t have waited

If I am to die today
The thing I’d regret the most
Is not taking a chance on you
And letting you go just like that

There were so many times
We could’ve been
We could’ve had
The love we’ve been waiting for

Instead, I sat there quietly
Waiting for you to make a sound
You, waiting for me
To give even a little smile

We could’ve had so much time
To paint the skies a better shade of blue
We could’ve been happy together
Even to just sit beside each other quietly

Instead, we chose to look for signs
And kept waiting for the right moment
And we realized far too late
We could’ve made it

I will carry the thought of what we could’ve been
All the way to my dying moment
I will always think about what should’ve been
As I look at you, walking away from me, walking away from you